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I got my mobile phone out of my handbag and with Tony?s letter in frontof me punched in his number. ?What message should I write, Jane?? Iasked ?Just say his letter has left you feeling a bit confused and thatyou?d like to meet him as Gemma to discuss everything. Tell him youneed him to be a gentleman and that you could see him tonight at yourplace?. I composed a message along these lines and then with my fingerhovering over the send button looked at Jane. Her smile was soreassuring I pressed the button.About a minute later my phone signalled I?d had a text message fromsomeone. I looked at Jane ?Well he?s certainly keen? she said. I openedthe message and read it aloud. ?No problem Gemma, I?ll be there at nineand don?t worry about anything. Your friend Tony??Sounds like he?ll be fine with you? Jane said. ?I hope so? I saidnervously. My stomach was now somersaulting the same way it had been onFriday morning as I?d waited to be introduced to my work colleagues.?Are you going to wear that. " When it seemed to be no problem for him to express it in secret before. Hell, I think even an "I miss you" would suffice but instead, it has been "I still care for you," which only make me feel even more ridiculous about the way that I feel as well as disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen in the first place. I feel so foolish for having allowed myself to be caught up in a tangled web that only turned out to be full of lies and unrealistic dreams and expectations. As hard has it is to explain and in spite of all the hurt he has caused, I still believe that he is the person I am meant to be with in this life. It is not every day that you find someone who makes you feel the way he has made me feel and as pathetic as it is to admit, I don't want to let him go. So, with that, I have decided to settle for this, "friendship."I have decided to settle for continuing to interact with him in any way that is possible to do so, whether that means I only get to talk to him once a week.
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