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She didn't have very sexy stuff though but for me they felt like playboy clothes and I was endlessly aroused by noticing how I was filling out her clothes especially in the breast area. But always after the sexual playing, the confusion and depressed feelings about what I was doing to myself just hit me harder and harder. Somehow I just wasn't able to do anything about it.I started to hide my femininity in public and at home with my parents however for the sexual playing I was just dying to make myself look as feminine as possible. Then when the arousal was gone I just wanted to kill myself for doing this to the male I really was inside.So it was like a snowball effect just making the confusion bigger and harder to handle, but the autogynephilic arousal was always stronger than all the other feelings so it always won.Some gender identity disorder experts had advised my parents not to make any special number of my gender change and part of that was to dress me in normal female clothes. .. God, we'll have to go to the supermarket first... time's getting on... put that stuff in the fridge and let's go before they arrive." Marian said."What now, like this?" I said in surprise."Yes, now... of course like that... how else? No one will even notice... it's just a supermarket... anyway it's a good chance for you to get over your fears first... Come on Susan... we have to go now if we're going to be back in time." Marian said as she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me towards the door.I didn't have the chance to resist... the next moment we were in the car and pulling out into the street... like any other rushed trip to the supermarket... but today... I was dressed in a skirt and top instead of jeans. The strange thing was that I did relax as we drove. It was just like any other trip and after having so much sexual relief in the morning... the clothes really did feel just like any others... except they were really comfortable... like a part of my body. When we arrived at.
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