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We barely finished at five o’clock and I finally got a text that read, ‘Test is over, home from work, come over any time.’ I put my tools away and then literally ran home to take a shower. * * * * * It takes me about forty-five minutes to walk to Alicia’s apartment, and almost as long to take the subway. I prefer walking, especially when it’s nice out. I walked by the flower shop and spontaneously decided to pop in. I saw Flower Girl again and she teased me, ‘Back so soon? Must be love.’ ‘Sorry, but I don’t know you that well yet. I think ‘like’ would be more honest.’ I teased her, even though I knew what she meant. Flower Girl smiled and asked if I was on a budget again today. ‘Always. But today I do want to buy just one rose and I was hoping you could tell me what the different roses mean.’ ‘I just know that red is love and I’m pretty sure yellow is sympathy. Let’s Google it.’ She looked at her phone screen and walked over to the buckets of roses. Girls with tattoos are confusing.. ..Boyhood?...as the last of the cream-and-red beauties left the car barn that one final time. Yet here was a Route 64 flyer, matter-of-factly turning away. Bell clanging, big as life.I looked around trying to become oriented in time and space - that's what my therapist always says to do when I have a flashback. Flashbacks have become more prevalent lately, as I try to come to grips with half-remembered childhood traumas that I won't go into here. This was no post- traumatic stress illusion, however - of that I was certain. For one thing, despite my desperate efforts, I wasn't becoming oriented; in fact, quite the contrary. For another, I couldn't capture the sense of being, well, me. Try as I might, I couldn't remember what day of the week, or even month of the year it was. Hell, I couldn't even remember where I was going, or why. Oddly enough, I did know exactly where I was: in front of the drugstore at the corner of Elm and DuMont. But wait - the last time I had the nerve to.
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