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Or&hellip,not really my fantasy because only someone special could have made that happen. To pretend to rape me and make it seem real and then cuddle and laugh with me later? That person does not exist, I am pretty sure. Or if they do I wont be into that person otherwise than sexually, and that gets boring. Anyway&hellip, So I got a response. Maybe several responses but I only followed up on one. He was married, so he probably would not be able to get too attached after the fact. He was older, which is better for this scenario. Because rape is all about power, after all. And who wants to lose power to a peer? Its demoralizing and thats not sexy. Also he was semi-attractive. Or attractive enough to do what I wanted him to do, anyway. We e-mailed back and forth a few times. I never spoke to him on the phone. I didnt want to become too friendly. I planned it out and he agreed to follow the rules. He told me I was hot and seemed pathetically grateful that I was willing to let him touch. The bell was sounded every night immediately before some very energetic sex.I will admit at first I was hesitant. I mean such rough, fast sex was something I was not used to and I had some doubts about actually deriving pleasure from it, but these worries vanished after only a few 'sessions'.Within a few weeks I started looking forward to my nightly romp. I would be practically bouncing, giddy with the idea of getting upstairs for another furious attack of my pleasure center.This was when the hate set in. I realized that the experiment was proving successful and I was upset. Upset with myself for being manipulated so easily. Upset with my husband for actually following through and finally hate, real hate that I had no intention of quitting because I was addicted to the feelings that were evoked in me during these hot nights.Acceptance was found one night when I made a very important and exciting discovery. I was sitting in the living room, reading, while my husband was busy doing.
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