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The thought of all this pained me, puzzled me, made me kind of nervous. After all, I DO have substance to me. I have all kinds of ideas - and I want to be someone, not something. How could I be a philosopher or something important in this kind of body, with the expectations society puts on me because of it? I imagined someone saying to me, "What? You think you've found the solution to the ozone layer's problem? Well that's nice, but why don't you leave that up to the big, strong, smart men to figure out. I got this outfit for you that I think you'd look adorable in - why don't you go try it on and I'll take a few pictures to send to all your uncles? I bet they'd love to put them up on their walls!"I began to feel a little worried, a little depressed. I began to regret my decision. 'But you had so much fun getting dressed this way,' I told myself. 'You liked dressing in a way that would make people look and smile. Of course YOU know that there's a person under all that clothes with. I tried calling her all weekend but my calls went unanswered. I figured I would wait a few days before trying again. On Monday, I went to work but my heart really wasn’t into it. I gave out work assignments and went to the lounge to get drunk. After a few drinks, I figured that wouldn’t solve my problems. I just took a long drive and ended up at the airport. I sat there and thought for a while, watching all the planes take off and land. I remembered bringing Gina and Ryan to watch the planes. I told them some day I would take them somewhere on the big plane. They were so excited about it. Now I wondered if I would ever be able to keep my promise to them. I went home and tried to get some sleep. I tossed and turned thinking about Amy. I had to try to get her to talk to me. Maybe she just needed time. The next morning I went to the office and threw myself into my work. It was sometime in the afternoon when I got a call from my grandma. She told me Amy stopped by and was really sad..
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