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Out of so many other people’s misery. Out of the misery of people I had yet to meet.Yet here I sit, on a river bank. Of a river I had grown up playing in. The Canisteo River. Of my childhood. A childhood I had thrown away.I remember happy times here. I remember long walks with Suzie. We were loners in our own little world. We’d walk and talk. Long long walks. Play games. Chase each other. Play fight with each other. It was happy times. Her smile, her green eyes, her long red hair. Tickling. Making each other scream with pleasure and delight. I remembered the time she slipped and fell in and we had to be dressed down by Frank. Then I got to be dressed down by my mother when I got home.I had a wonderful childhood here. But that was then. Now I am a mess, casting misery where ever I go.Not to say that there hadn’t been happiness.There had been times of happiness. The time with Jenny before she announced her pregnancy, for instance. Or all the time I spent with Cheryl and her- our-. So, according to him, what Alex had thought was simply a rough patch in their four year relationship was, in fact, something else entirely. It didn’t seem to occur to him that she WAS tired, since she was the one out working to support his dreams of becoming a musician…the dreams that involved him being seemingly unable to hold down a full time job for more than a few weeks (‘It stifles my creativity babe, you know’). She’d done it willingly, she loved him and genuinely wanted him to be happy. OK, there was the odd moment when she had resented his lack of motivation in the working world, and lord knows they could have used the extra money, but, no relationship was without its challenges. And it was so easy to overlook those faults when he was sitting at the bottom of the bed strumming his guitar, creating something beautiful from thin air. His eyes closed, the melody surrounding him in an erotic fog that made him even more beautiful. Instead he had ‘outgrown’ her, he wanted some.
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