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So I ended it.It was a couple of years before I was willing to try again. I had been approached by guys wanting to have sex with me, but I turned them down. I wanted it but had trouble trusting anyone. After a couple of years I was ready again, but I didn't know how to find guys interested in having sex. And they weren't coming to me every day.I decided to respond to some ads in a swingers magazine. (This was before the internet, dating sites and social media.) I didn't know how to meet guys for sex in any other way.Most responded that they weren't interested. One was interested in finding a boyfriend and I told him that was not my interest. I just wanted to have some fun. A one night stand or at most a fuck buddy. But no more.But one guy, Bob, seemed to be just what I was looking for. We exchanged numbers and we talked on the phone for a while. I told him about the guy who got abusive. He promised not be like that. He asked if I wanted to meet him at a bar or something, but I felt. " Like I did."Phoebe nodded, tears flowing down her cheeks, her shoulders shaking.Marcia stopped stirring, laid the spoon aside. She reached over thecounter and laid a hand on Phoebe's quaking shoulder, staying on her sideof the breakfast island, sensing that her daughter still needed a barrierof separation. It was the only way for her to find herself."What is it Phoebe?" I don't know. Sometimes I wonder." Wonder what?" If I'll ever find anyone I really love." Of course you will, honey. You're still way young. Anyone you loves now,honestly, probably wouldn't be the one you'll love forever and everanyway."Phoebe looked up, her eyes shining with tears, perhaps, but shining."Really?" Really." Thing of it is, though, I'm not even sure I'm...well that I'm..."Marcia had a sudden intuition of what Phoebe was trying to say but shegave the girl a chance to say it in her own way, to finish in her owntime. She was having trouble finding the way, but it seemed importantthat she do so."I'm not.
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