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A part of me wants to smack me for feeling this way. I linger over the sensation that I can still trust you with my whole being, and the sensation that it is the right thing to do. I am living a lie. Everyday that goes by, I know that I have only hastily tried to patch my world together and keep moving forward, but that I am carrying a flame for someone else. Even if you are secretly laughing at me, I’ve been warned before that I am not truly happy with the one who loves me. I am safer in this world to stay with him, though. The logical thought that I am wrong about the things I feel for you interferes with my desire to take a leap of faith. Faith in true love. Faith in a loving God. Faith that as I have wished – that we would someday meet again, and that we would one day become one, again – you have also wished… I can remember the way you soothed away my fears, my tears, and my hopelessness. I remember when we would stand together among classmates or churchmates, and we did not care. “Seriously though, Honey, can we take this slow? I’m still feeling a little panicky about us burning out in the heat of passion. But dammit, you have a body that a man like me would kill for, and a heart big enough to lose myself in!”, he added.“Yeah, I can handle going slow, if that’s what you want. But I’ll tell you something right now. Tonight, we’re sleeping in the same bed, and you’d better be there when I wake up in the morning! I was scared shitless this morning when you weren’t. I thought you’d taken off on me! Dad, we’ve lost touch with a lot of people over the years, but losing you would kill me. And, I promise that I’ll be right there whenever you call me, or need me. This isn’t just about sex any more. It goes beyond that. I need you almost as much as I need to be needed by you”.Jim hugged his daughter. Anita grunted as his embrace pushed the wind out of her, but returned it with all the strength she had. To be held this tightly told her that everything would be.
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