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I had waited a life time, time does it have a measure, I questioned. My questions kept pounding through me. Was I going to be in trouble if I opened that door? Opening a door to a new life time.Seemly simple, complex only in thought and effort. Pacing the floor, smoking one after the other, I could not unwind. I turned the TV on to no avail. Between the romance displayed the "this Bud's for you commericals".It left me to no end. The phone rings I jump. Just to find a phone solicitor on the other end, wanting to know if I wanted the paper delivered. I replied trying to stay calm."Ms I already get your paper, please do not call here again."Was it the waiting, the want, the need. Whatever this was may cope ability level was at an all time low. But still I felt a sense of anticipation. Was I lost in feeling and thoughts. Misforgotten Yesterdays. I had no conclusions just kept hearing the echoing of my mind.From the first time we had meet and spoke, I knew I was in trouble. Alarmed but. " To just stop fighting, believe her and go on. "On her side! Those fucking ungrateful little shits, taking her side," but that was a warm, soft thought with a big grin, and I loved them even more. So I did. Knowing, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that she would be there at the end is the most comforting place I've ever lived. "God, Paige, I am so sorry, but it's true." There is a tremendous amount of guilt attached there. She's determined to make me last as long as she can too. My kids agree, and I'm forced to go with her to the dojo and let her and her fucking friends beat me up. Her friends are all female and love making me do all that shit, then they laugh at me. There were seven of them in a casual club. We wrestle a lot, and they bend and stretch me in some very interesting ways. One time Lisa had four friends hold my arms and legs while she rubbed my face with her crotch. It did not take much holding, and she still had her leotard on but that was very exciting. I had to listen.
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