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I couldn't wait to feel all of that again. I couldn't wait to have a man kiss me again, to hold meagain, to caress me again, to arouse me again, to allow me the abject joyof sucking cock again, of swallowing cum again, and then finally Icouldn't wait to ride the rapturous wave of elation of being made love toagain, being fucked again. I couldn't wait to slip into lingerie again, too, Irealized, which led me to my laptop. A few hours later, I'd put nearly three thousand dollars onmy credit card. I'd been to a dozen or so different websites, researchingand then buying everything my new feminine soul wanted...panties by thedozens, garters, stockings, pantyhose, bras, corsets, corselets, slips,half-slips, camisoles, blouses, skirts, dresses, evening gowns, sluttywear, and ten different pairs of shoes. The smallest heel on any of themwas three inches. The biggest was six. I also bought make up kits, and jewelry, and. And then there’s another corner of my brain which suggests that perhaps my memories of him have been edited by fantasies. Perhaps he wasn’t all that good, only I made it out to be so in my head. And if so, I’ve been willfully dreaming about a man who doesn’t really exist.Cole exists. But I don’t know if my version of him does. Maybe I’m obsessed with an ideal. Maybe all the lights and flashing cameras and late nights and broken high-heels have gotten to me. Maybe I’ve been dreaming of a dream. It’s plausible. In fact, I’m beginning to think I need an appointment with a $10,000 per hour shrink. But then he makes his move. He doesn’t kiss me in the way Brandon kisses me. His mouth is harder; taking more than it gives, stealing my breath and every coherent thought I’ve ever had. I kiss him back instinctively, my hands moving up to wind around his neck but he catches my wrists before I can touch him. Being overpowered shouldn’t turn me on so much.I can smell his sweat. He tastes like.
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