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My vision was still blurry but at least I was able to hear my father's soothing voice. I let go of what remained and crawled across the tiles retching. I curled up into a ball and stood there while paramedics rushed into the scene and police tried to secure the area. Making sure that my sister had a blanket and that the police kept the looky loo's out of the house he approached me slowly, as if trying to reach out to a feral animal and I expected the worst. What got through my shock was the fact my father had tears on his cheek's, I had never seen my father cry before. He picked me up as if I was some dummy doll and carried me into the living room, where the paramedics tried to stitch my head back together. My sister rushed over and I felt a coldness go over me as I saw the tears in her eyes. I thought this was it, I was undone but she brought me under the blankets while they worked on me into her soft bosom. They were saying something about not being able to give me any sedatives. Or sometime in the past couple of months, at least, for god's sake..." Yeah, well," I conceded, moodily. "Maybe that's another point – I mean, our relationship has always had a sort of undercover quality – I think the world of the woman, I really do, but all the time I was getting to know her she was, of course, looking after Phil, so it was never really appropriate to discuss the 'us' stuff ... and I think it just got to be a habit."I waited for her to say something – something helpful, something consoling, something ... whatever. But she didn't, so eventually I went on."And then, of course, the problem with making a lot of tacit assumptions about a relationship is that you're never quite sure whether they're shared assumptions ... which then makes it really risky to articulate them – in case you are wrong. So we've never really talked about the future – even though we're committed to sharing a flat in the new place. Hell, we're supposed to be sharing a flat this evening and somehow.
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