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The lingering pain and humiliation probably fueled his manic desire to belong somewhere - anywhere - and the legendary brotherhood of the Satan's Pride M/C seemed tailor-made to salve his wounded ego.Robert had tried to ingratiate himself with club members, hanging out at their bars and attending the swap-meets and tattoo expos the club hosted, but the ludicrous figure he presented, with his sad little motorcycle and that over-eager face, caused the bikers to pointedly ignore him, when not laughing outright at his foolishness. They called him a "citizen" - one of the worst epithets an outlaw biker can bestow on another man - and played cruel tricks on him. So far as the club members were concerned, he was always good for a laugh, and always at his own expense.The only time he made any real impression at all on the outlaw bikers was the night he slapped a topless dancer in a strip joint owned by the Satan's Pride, thinking that mistreating a woman might win favor with the normally. .. I mean..." Let him look. What harm can come from it? Now that I'm free of P&G, I flirt all the time. I love it! It makes him feel good and it makes me feel good. I'd say go for it." Do you really think so?" The possibilities were swirling around my head. Could I do it? Wear something that clingy to work? Just the thought of John scoping out my new outfit caused me to squirm with pleasure."Absolutely. Be brave. Wear what you want."'It's so nice to shop', I thought to myself, putting my new things away. What a relief to throw away all of those old frumpy things and finally do something nice for myself.On the fringes of my consciousness, I think I knew, even then, that something wasn't right.That's the problem with imprinting. Your brain says one thing, but your gut says another. And when you move into transition, the gut starts to take over and it's weird. It all feels so natural. You float through the day, not realizing what you're doing. It's like a mental defense mechanism I.
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