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I never found any Polaroids of a stripper in bondage poses. I never found a leather cuff or padlock. I never found a vibrator among my mother's possessions. There was no enema bag and nozzle. Nor did I find any copy of ?The Story of O? in my father's workshop or anywhere else in their house.For all I know, the letter and entire week of diary entries might have been nothing but fantasies that they wrote to amuse each other and never acted out in real life.But they must have amused each other some way because they stayed married for the rest of their lives; and I've never met any couple who seemed happier with each other.Her diary contains one other bit of information. Every twenty-eight days, more or less, she ends her diary entry with an ?M? printed in red. I was born on the 28th of October in 1973. The last ?M? before she became pregnant with me appears on 22 January 1973. My mother would have been at the peak of her fertility during her week of sexual submission to my father. She. But that did not make any sense for I was still sexually attracted to women. so I made the bad decisions of putting this issue on hold until now at the age of 33....not such a good idea lol I realize these days I do not want to be a woman just like women's panties and certain clothes and wigs.this also brings up another issue that was unresolved form my early twenties and that was my attraction to transsexuals. instead of exploring why I have felt these thoughts feelings I harbored them. I hid my feelings not only from my family but also my friends. I became the closet cross dresser who was also attracted to transsexuals keeping it under lock and key in my mind. it was the only place where I could find comfort with it. now let me state after sometime I did not feel weird about how I felt just who the hell would except it. I was a person who gave in to pure pressure all the time back then. since I was too stubborn to be me completely honest eventually it ruined my relationships with.
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