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He WENT HOME!I've never made a boy cry before. I mean I don't think I've ever made anyone cry before. And I guess I know I should feel bad, but between you and me? It felt amazing. And not just amazing, it felt... sexual. Like viscerally sexual. I felt like... I dunno, a grown-up I guess? A real person for once. A person who could throw a punch, and hurt somebody and be OK with that. It made me want to fuck and eat a cheeseburger in no particular order.Anyway since then Ethan has been looking a little.. I dunno man-boy to me. The shit I used to think was confidence now seems like lazyness, his bravado seems like dim-wittedness. I know he hasn't changed. It's the same him, the same shit, but I'm different now. It feels dissonant; frightening. Like I thought I knew what I wanted, and it wore a leather jacket and smelled like engine-oil and booze, and rode motorcycles with a devil-may-care attitude, and bent me over those motorcycles and fucked me with that same devil-may-care attitude.. None with less than a 3 inch heel though. I definitelyhave to talk to my father about that. Heels are very uncomfortably aftera period of time and it would be nice to have a pair of flats or two, forcomfort sake. Maybe if more men wore women's clothes they wouldappreciate all the torture women go through.I noticed the photos of me throughout my childhood were displayedthroughout the room. But there was something different about them. Ittook me a few seconds to realize that they were alter to show me as beingraised as a girl. It seemed to me that my dear father was trying toeliminate all traces of Michael from existence.I dread tomorrow when my first lessons on feminine behavior and deportmentstart. I had a small idea of what my father had in store for me andreally did not want to be subjected to his exaggerated view of femininebehavior. I really was starting to dread my decision to wear the gaff.But the only alternative for me in this situation was to be a gay malebottom,.
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