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It was a little like a kilt skirt; just a little above my knees in length. I then parted the robe just enough to show him and ask if it was okay to wear it.“Oh hell yes…whatever you want…uh…be comfortable.”I did duck into the bathroom to put my top on and, finish my hair and makeup. Once I was ready, he did the driving and we headed for town…talking all the way.We found a nice looking but older place for dinner; a bar and restaurant. It was all but deserted, except for a mostly blue collar bar crowd. We had the entire dining room to ourselves. Well, it was Monday night in the sticks.There had been some looks when we entered, mostly from the bar, checking me out. It was dimly lit inside; the bar crowd only saw the shape of a ‘girl’ and the waitress had to look twice before she realized that there was something wrong. We relaxed and had a nice dinner. The waitress had said something because, before the first drinks arrived, there was a mass parade to the men’s room and, our table was. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me is happy you no longer suffer. I couldn’t stand to hear you talk about the pain. It made me feel helpless, the simple words I had to offer seeming insignificant and paltry. The ache is eased simply knowing your pain is forever gone. I smile thinking of you reunited with your daughter. The daughter we all wanted, who left too soon. I can see you both, beautiful and happy, relaxing together in a warm, sun dappled meadow, finally at peace. I don’t know how long it will take for my pain to ease completely. It could be weeks, or years. .
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