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You can have your Christmas, but leave me out of it. I’ll give you twenty-five bucks each to buy presents for each other. If you want a tree, well you can hike up the mountain and cut one. But I ain’t buyin’ any presents and I don’t wanna see one under that tree with my name on it, ya hear! I mean it! If you try to sneak one in on me, it’s goin’ right back to the store for a refund.”“Alright, alright!” Lynn snapped. “Have it your way, sourpuss! But I don’t see why you get so bent out of shape over the biggest holiday of the year.”“Yeah,” Adam jumped in, “What happened? You get a piece of coal in your sock when you were little or somethin’? You’re as bad as Scrooge.”Aaron put his fork down and sat back in his chair. “Look, this argument comes up every year, so how many times do I have to say it? I don’t believe in God and I don’t believe in Santa Clause. I’ve never seen a Christmas go by in this family that wasn’t punctuated by booze, drunks and hard feelings about somebody gettin’. "Of course, but that is a hard thing for someone else to do, pick outclothes for a woman I mean," she replied. "What are you looking for?" Ahhhhmmm, I need...She needs I mean! She asked me to pick her up someunderwear, you know a pair of panties and...well, and a bra too," Shit,this was harder than I expected. Why did the sales lady have to be sopretty. I could feel my face burning, my ears could have been steamingfor all I know they felt so hot."What size do you wear?" she asked with a sly smile on her face thencorrected herself as I began to stutter, "Oh, sorry I mean what size doesshe wear?"I was so flustered and confused, my response was broken and even soundedweak to me, like a lie. "Ummm, she well, she is around an eight Ithink."With another smile the young woman looked at me from head to toe. "Thatwould be around a twenty-six inch waist with the hips being a bit more,you and your 'girlfriend' must be similar in size."I didn't have an answer for her, not only was she.
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