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Let me hug you Merry Christmas." Merry Christmas yourself! How did it go?" Well, not the way I expected. We got it on, but then we both kind of lost interest. You know, it was one of those one-night-stand things, like she was thinking. 'Look, I need you and you need me. Let's do it and get it over with.' But afterwards, she didn't want to fuck any more. I asked her if everything was OK, and she said 'Yeah. The sex was good. But I've decided that I don't want to be your lover after all. I want to be your kid sister.'"So we lay there for a long time, talking about growing up in the old house as kids, when we last slept in the same room. I must have been nine, and she was seven. She'd crawl into my bed on Christmas Eve, and we'd talk about what Santa Claus would bring us. It was so sweet. And last night, it was like she was that kid sister again. I tried to put the moves on her a second time, but she kissed me and said, 'No, dear.' So we just held each other for a long time, and then we. Not proud of all that, but I was seeingwhat a lie it was---that "love" you would always retract like anemotional drawbridge whenever I fell short of your approval---and I justwanted to hurt you back.I know we were both relieved when I moved out. Visits home from collegewere easier. Since they only lasted a day or so we could go through themotions of being civil. I never stopped wanting your approval, I achedfor your acceptance, but was realistic enough to know that if I didn'thave it as a lesbian things would get even worse when I came out to youabout the man I am.THAT went about like I'd figured. Although I thought with time you mightget used to the idea, and maybe be happy for me. But it doesn't seem likeyou know how to be happy anymore. And not just about me. You used to havefriends. You had interests, didn't constantly complain about everythingand everybody. And you want people to believe that this is somehow all myfault but nobody besides you buys this. They humor you---you've.
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