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“And then you did anyway. Or I made you do it, Alex,” I explained. “A few days later, I did the same thing to you, Sam. But when you were in the chair, you weren’t all hugs and love like Alex was. You were in need of the boot recharge. You were on a vector of a little bit of hurt, a little bit of fear, and a chunk of confusion. You kept sailing on that vector.”“Um, what do you mean by vector?” Alex asked after a silent moment.I laughed, shaking off some of the tension. I wasn’t talking to Max. “Have you ever heard of Newton’s law: an object in motion stays in motion?”“Yeah,” Sam declared.“Yes.” Alex made the connection too.“I’m saying your feelings kept following the path they were on.”“So, Sam’s never going to like me the way I... ?” Alex trailed off, her voice breaking. Her eyes glistened as the first tears trickled to her cheeks. Trembling, she looked to Sam.“No, she’s going to love you.” Sam nodded fiercely, and I squeezed her hand. “Normally, the hard work of a relationship isn’t. Something I would never do again."Six weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant. I knew it was that man's and not your father's baby. I knew I couldn't deceive your father and have him raise another man's child. I did the only thing I could think of. I ran. I left a note telling your father that I had cheated on him with another man and I couldn't live with myself any longer and took off." So ... I have a half-brother or sister somewhere?" I asked.Again, she was shaking her head slowly. "I lost the child in the second trimester. A miscarriage. I was almost grateful it happened except that it had ended a new life. I was staying with an old school friend in Calgary who had taken me in. She was a life-saver. I was borderline suicidal for a while. Eventually, I got a job at a women's clothing store in a mall and that led to getting an apartment for myself." I threw myself into the job and that helped fill the days. After a while, I was promoted to assistant manager, then I was made.
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