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Gramps is going to be here for another week and I don't know what to do. I need some advice Stepdaddy.-- Moist in MiamiDear Moist,First, you should know that what your Gramps is doing with your undies is completely understandable. I thank you for sending along a pair of your freshly-worn panties with this letter; if you wish to know how they were put to use, please see the Stepdaddy blog post "Ambrosia" of January 17, 2011, or read my poem "Laundry Day" from The Treasury of Stepdaddy Verse.Your adorable little white panties, especially when scented (and flavored) by your own junior-high squishy bits, are an excellent accompaniment to a man's self-pleasure, be it mine or your Gramps'.Now to the advice:It is likely that your Gramps is already an avid reader of this column, so he may very well recognize the events in your letter and take the initiative himself. (Gramps, if you're reading this, you know what to do!)Otherwise, you'll have to take things – and his "thingee" – into your own. Change is damn near the only constant. The letter in the mail, the phone call, the can of chili on the floor.The flat tire, now there’s a life-changer.The letter: Greetings from the President. Erk!The phone: John. It’s George. You know how I’m always to work early? Yeah. Well, it’s boarded up. Nobody there.The can: Help! I can’t get up!The tire: You’re late. Again. I’ve hired a new guy.“Fleeing the United States? What for?”“Mom killed the president and blew up the Oval Office.”“Why did you have to flee? You’re just kids.”“President Foley,” I said. As if that explained it. It did.“Bill is in now,” said the Master Chief.“We know, he’s rescinded the warrants.”“Let me make another call,” he said.He did.“Master Chief Anderson, put me through to the Ambassador.”Ooo, the big guns. Chief Anderson is more than he appears.He shooed us. Wave of the hand, “Shoo.”We shooed to the hall, got accosted a couple of times, explained, had the accoster open the door, back out, red faced and resume.
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