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The physical pain becomes a punishment of that craving, but in doing so, it only intensifies that craving." "Yes!" I hissed excitedly. "Exactly! You understand things so well, my captain. May I ask you a question?" His smiled was amused as he nodded, like a wise teacher acknowledging the foolish whims of a naive student. "Do you receive pleasure when you punish me? If so, why?" "Absolutely!" his smiled widened. "I feel pleasure in several ways. For one, I am aroused seeing you frantic with shame and desperate to please me. In your desperation you lose all pretense. You are the true you, your real self is exposed, and that is incredibly erotic. You have no shame at that point, only exposed suffering and naked desire. You are no longer attempting to conceal anything--parts of your body or your secret desires. "For another, I feel power and control watching you suffer for me. My heart thrills when I watch you contemplating an order I give you. Will she obey or not? How strong is. Perhaps it was the anesthesia, he simply failed to thrive and in April announced he was no longer interested in eating or drinking. Despite trying Physical Therapy, my fsther never learned to walk again and was essentially bedridden. At the same time he bacame incontinent and had to wear diapers for the first time in his adult life. My family was devastated to see this once vital man reduced to living like a baby. We knew it was futile to try to force a feeding tube on him. The process would simply prolong the agony, and from the look on my father’s face, it was clear he was ready to move on to the next dimension… *************************************** The wake and funeral were surreal. My father’s body was there, of course, but he had checked out long before. No one looks entirely the same in the casket, but my father looked entirely different. Even his eyebrows appeared to have been shaped an entirely different way. I spent four hours in a daze, nodding and smiling to friends and.
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