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The phone clicked off. She knew now he would be as rough as he wanted to be and she would do just exactly as he wanted, part of her wanting to be ****d again, part of her terrified, and the rest just ashamed. On Fridays she did course work in the morning, but finished normally at 12, usually a 25minute ride home by bus would be normal and would have her indoors by one, which would allow her to be changed and ready for him by his appointed time. They say the plans of mice and men never run smoothly and on this of all Friday`s, she had to stay over for a chat with her tutor, he dithered, which lost her a half-hour, and that missed her next bus, the effect was it was just five to two when she got home. by the time she had used the toilet he was on the stairs and she had not changed yet, being still in her student nurse garb. She opened the door to him, her heart beating loud in her ears, he smiled walked in and sat self- assuredly at the table, grunting, “business first…” She fetched. The ocean glittered and sparkled from the fading sunlight behind me. I found a secluded spot and sat with my thoughts spinning in my head while I pushed my bare toes into the sand.I felt miserable. When I had been angry, my decisions had felt purposeful, my words justified. Now that the driving anger was gone I was left alone with my scorched heart. I could see the damage I'd done so clearly now. Instead of purpose, I now felt regret. My harsh words and impulsive actions had fractured my most important relationships.Mom had a hard life, no question about it, especially raising me on her own after Dad died. I like to think I was a pretty good kid growing up, but the last three months had put paid to that. She had been so scared that someone would find out about me and John, but I had underestimated how complicated things could get in our relationship. When I reacted badly to the casual way Jules and John viewed our commitment, I ended up justifying her fears completely.In one way.
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