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”“WHAT?”“Give it to the Imam. He knows all the good charities. Omar gives him money all the time. NO NO NO, DON’T WALK INTO WALL, you idiot!”I could have said something acerbic about my money ending up funding research into suicide vests, but I didn’t. What’s the point, anyway.“I’m sure the Imam is a lovely man, but I’ll figure it out for myself.”“HA! No, he isn’t. That man is awful. And the people who come to his mosque are awful. Except my cousin, obviously. THIS AGAIN! I kill this guy five times now!”“But you want me to give him money?”“Asim says he does good things. And you know, zakat.”“Beg pardon?”“Zakat. Charity. It is one of the five pillars. You give two and a half percent of your wealth to charity each year. And it can only be used for the poor and the needy. Carstairs, sometimes I think you are a better muslim than I am. You give to the poor, you don’t drink unless I insist, you don’t seem to like pork, you don’t chase women, you don’t...”“Don’t what?”“You don’t have fun.. The female said to her companion, "I'm going to look around. If either of them so much as farts, break her arm!"With that, she left the room. A few minutes later we heard her voice saying, "This will work. Bring them in here."Chapter Five - “Hop On Cowgirl”"Move it, buddy!" he said to me as he followed me while pushing Vicky in the direction of the sound of his companion's voice.I went in the direction that the female felon's voice had come from and found myself in our bedroom. I walked in to see her waiting for us, standing in front of our brass king-size bed. In her hand she was holding several phone cords that she must have pulled from the walls, and one of the pairs of the handcuffs I recently bought in a bulk lot on eBay for resale.When I walked in the room, I noticed a vibrator on the nightstand on Vicky's side of the bed. It was still wet from use."Here is how this is going to go down," she started, "by now, the police have an APB out on our truck since they take a dim view of.
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