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She was really stupid about it. He was all smooth and shit and he got her in a bedroom and the next thing you know, she's calling for me to get her some Kleenex cause there's blood everywhere. I was like, 'what the hell!? Are you okay!?' and she was like, 'I just lost my cherry!' and I was like, 'Oh my god!' But then this guy just gets up and leaves. She didn't even get his number. She hasn't even seen him since. Stupid, huh?" More sad really." Yeah. I'm only thirteen and I know it's supposed to be something special. Not something you just throw away to some guy because he's wearing the same kind of jacket and hairstyle your favorite movie star wears. She's so stupid!" There's a difference between stupid and just not knowing." What do you mean?" Well, maybe she just didn't know that it was supposed to be special. If you know what you're supposed to do, and don't do it, that's stupid, but if you didn't know, if you were never told, if you had no idea, it's just sad."(I guess that. I kept up the pretence with friends and still kissed girls behind the bike sheds but what I really wanted to do was get together with a man. This may have been a bit upsetting if the boys at school were aware that I was looking at their bodies and cocks but it was really the thought of mature men that got me going most. I had seen how men had made love but I really wanted to feel it too.I started to play with various items pretending they might be a penis I’d suck on a pencil or a bottle or rub it over my anus, I even used an old toy tortoise the head and neck of which were made were about the same thickness and half the length of my penis, and being made of rubber had a similar feel. I played with my bum hole a lot pressing it with my fingers or thumb or one of the above mentioned toys but not quite having the courage to actually put anything of any size in it, however, I was enjoying the sensations I was giving myself a lot.This carried on until the school holidays came soon after.
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