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What if we got you all fixed up before we decided?You might be right, but maybe not, and then we would know, wouldn't we? Imean, if you look terrible, and couldn't do it, that's one thing, and Iagree that if that's the case, you shouldn't do it, but if you lookgreat, like I think you will, then you could do it, for me... please?"In a moment punctuated with a total lapse of common sense, I asked..."What do I get out of this other than a new dress?" You can get that car you've been wanting... but that's only if you lookgood, and don't try to make a fool out of yourself. You'll have to actlike a young lady the entire time or no deal!"While I was sure that mom had fallen on her head, but the mere specter ofgetting a car of my own led me to say... "Okay, it's a deal, but we bothknow that the only way I would have the slightest chance to pull this offis for me to look very convincing, which means that I would have to lookexactly like a girl, and obviously, I don't, do I? And I won't do. I sat on the tiny bench, waiting for my breath to come back to normal. Finally I grabbed the two pairs of pants, marched out of the room, ran out of the store, drove straight to my house, and dived into a large bottle of bourbon.I had never thought about anything like this. I mean, sure I had wondered what it felt like for women, but didn't every guy? I never fantasized about it. I never tried on my mother's clothes. I never had a homosexual desire in my life -- cross my heart and help to die.It was too weird. I stood in front of the bedroom mirror, running my finger along my cheek and feeling the comforting traces of stubble. It was over. No way was I going to take this thing any further.But when they opened for business the next morning, I was there.I barely glanced at the guy with his little tags. I can't even remember what it was I grabbed as an excuse to go into the dressing rooms. It must have been something. All I remember is closing the door to the dressing room and plunging.
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