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”What I did know was even if those touches in the pool weren’t particularly exciting to me they were an invitation to touch Heather, so I first put my hand between her thighs to cup her and then on her tummy and a minute later up on the little mounds that were on their way to becoming breasts. Neither of us spoke and we never made eye contact. Thinking about it later, I realized Heather was just as new at this as I was and just as uncertain about how to do it.I ditched the inner tube and went straight for Heather. She struggled and she groped for me, but I spun her around and grabbed the back of her swimsuit and towed her over to a shallow corner. There I turned her to face the edge of the pool and pressed myself against her from behind as she squirmed. I ran my hands up her sides and around to her front.All I knew was I wanted to get my hands all over Heather, fast, and my now-stiffened cock wanted to be hard against her bottom. I started massaging her little almost-breasts. They. We had ourculture; black people had theirs.Now, I was one of them. A stranger in a strange land. An Othello in aworld of Hamlets. A Cam Newton in the world of Tom Bradys. An ArethaFranklin in a world of Frank Sinatras.Later, after my mother had gone home, I was alone in my hospital room.I cried. I went into the restroom. Quietly, I disrobed.I stood there, looking at my blackness. My breasts were small butperky. The nipples were darker than the rest of the breasts. I ran myhand over my stomach. I turned and looked at my butt in profile. Iturned my face and looked out the corner of my eye. I looked at mylegs.I was pretty, I decided. I was trans, of course, and my penis wassmall. But the rest of me was cute. Was that somehow worse?So many slurs bounced through my head! The n-word, obviously. Icouldn't even say it. I was a jungle bunny. A porch monkey. A mammy.There were so many insults, because there was so much hatred.I thought of my father, and how all this would make him laugh..
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