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St Mellion? Oh of course, dear boy, play there all the time.TPC Sawgrass? Yep, been there too. (Only on the Nintendo though).And so on. Lying bastards!I am no exception, sad to say. Related below is a blow by blow account of my miraculous game at Hindhead Golf Club, in the wilds of Surrey. Did you know it's a qualifying course for the open? Well it is or was and that should give you a clue about the degree of difficulty faced. (Bet you're hooked now eh?)Now, I am not going to give you all eighteen holes worth of tragedy, bad luck and mis-fortune suffered while in the company of two very good players, but I will relate a truncated and précis version, cutting out the swear words and many of the errant shots.Hole 1. Played off the yellow tees. Par 4. 401 yards long. Straight ... ish.The tee shot needs to have at least a 200 yard carry to get over the purple heather in front of you and down both sides of the fairway. My drive was anything but straight ... ish and landed in deep heather,. Here I was at 75 nearly 76 with a 50 year old manspenis in my mouth and I was enjoying it. Then I thoughtof my body. Whilst I was reasonably fit old age hadtaken its toll and things had started to sag. My bellywas permanently distended because of my diveticulitisand my breasts had certainly lost their firmness anddrooped when not supported by my bra.My legs weren’t too bad and my bottom was still quitefirm. I thought though that as soon as he saw me withnothing on his desire would fall away. Not that, as itturned out, he saw much of my naked flesh the firsttime.I had to admit though that my enforced celibacy hadbeen frustrating and the thought of being taken againwas starting to really turn me on.All the time these thoughts were rushing through myhead he was thrusting his penis in and out sometimespushing into the side of my cheek and at othersthreatening the back of my throat and I sensed it wasgetting even bigger the more excited he got.The next thing I knew he had pulled out.
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