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I was holding my hands out in the cold October air as we drove, hoping that the raw chill might ease the dull throbbing in my fingers. The pain pills were slowly kicking in, making it so that the sting was bearable, but already, the word ‘bearable’ had gained a whole new meaning for me. The drive home was silent, for my parents were trying to keep back tears, but I was calm. That’s the one good thing about being suicidal: the prospect of your own death actually brings you peace. Now I didn’t have to feel guilty about killing myself. The effect it would have on my family was one of the only things keeping me from ending it all. Now I could just let the cancer do it for me. In a way, it felt good to finally have an answer as to why I suffered from depression. I had been depressed for most of my eighteen years, even suicidal, completely in contrast to the comfortable middle-class life I lived in my hometown in Maine. I couldn’t even count the number of antidepressants, forced therapy. "Ohhhh, can we?" Tina was instantly awake."That's the plan. Go get dressed and I'll buy you breakfast on the way." Deal!" Tina jumped up and headed out of the room. She was only wearing her normal sleeping attire that used to consist of one of her dad's old shirts and her panties. More and more these days, as today, it was one of Tony's shirts. Apparently, she made allowances for Tony's shirts; they didn't have to be old. He had been wondering where that shirt had gone.Tony and Tina were quickly showered, dressed, and out the door. After a quick breakfast at the local Waffle House they were headed to the hospital when Tony pulled into a 24hr drug store nearby. "What do you need here?" asked Tina."I thought they might have some flowers or something. They probably do, it's the nearest store to the hospital. I doubt the gift shop there is open yet."Tina didn't argue. Going to the hospital to see Tammy without some kind of gift for her would have been unthinkable to Tony. Why would.
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