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While walking or driving around I could concentrate on seeing new things and not have to think about what I had gotten myself into.How well did we really know one another? I had picked Laura out of a line up. She was my number one. In a way, Laura had picked me out of a line up too. She had chosen me to spend a few days and nights with her in a Phoenix hotel. To me, it had been the most exciting thing that had ever happened. A woman who earned her living by giving herself to men willing to pay for her body had given herself to me freely. To her, I was a diversion, an amusement, a toy to dangle from a necklace, a receptacle for her nightmares.Why had I signed the letter, "your loving brother?" We had avoided the use of the word. We had professed our devotion to each other without using the "L" word. She had bestowed the thing she most revered upon me, her trust. I had vowed to dedicate myself to her well being, to protect her.Now that we had made a commitment to each other we were. Deeper and deeper. I wanted so much to let it happen. Ireally could feel it happening. “Yes, I guess so,” I said thickly. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Yes, Chabby, you feelit, you cannot resist it, you want to let it happen, tolet go of yourself altogether. Let go of yourself. Tellyourself you are letting go, sinking deeper and deeperinto relaxation.” She continued, her voice a gentle breeze, as I slowlyrepeated to myself that I was indeed letting go, that Iwas indeed sinking deeper. Deeper. “You may relax even more deeply on the bed, Chabby. Youhave dreamed about the bed before, how warm it is, howcomfortable. How soft the sheets feel against yourskin. You can feel that, Chabby. Feel it. Very slowly,very gently, I will help you. Allow your body torespond to my guidance, Chabby. I will guide you, I willhelp you sink deeper and deeper into relaxation. Now,Chabby, very slowly, very easily, I will guide you tothat soft, inviting bed.” I felt.
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