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We talked more about sex, and after hearing about how frustrated you were with Brian, and how he wouldn't even take the time to kiss you, I felt really upset, and I knew you were too. I reached over, and held your hand. After sitting there for a few minutes, while listening to the radio, I looked over, and saw you sitting there, with you head looking over towards me while resting on your shoulder. You looked so sad right then, and I after looking at you closely, I looked forward and said this: "I really want to kiss you right now." I let go of your hand, and covered my face, not believing that I actually said that. I apologized, to which you said "it's okay." Then, I did the thing that I had thought about for the past few days. I looked at you, then leaned over. I was very close to you, and was looking at your eyes. They were darting back and forth, almost like you were not sure where you wanted to look. I noticed you starting to breath deeper, and that your heart was beating faster.. The next hour so was probably the most painful and traumatic hour of my life. Once Claire and Jason had disappeared out of the club hand in hand, I sat there shell-shocked. And this time, I wasn’t at the point of tears, I was a grown man crying, crying in a public place. Tears rolled down my cheeks, as I sobbed like a baby, convinced that this stupid game we were playing had in one night destroyed over twenty years of our love and marriage.I looked so bereft and shell-shocked that one of the bar staff and one of the security staff checked to see if I was okay. It must have been a good half an hour before my tears ceased and I was able to even think of what to do next.At this point, that little voice of self-preservation started kicking in at the back of my brain. It told me that even though Claire had left me to spend the night with Jason, something we’d not planned or agreed, that this was just a physical thing driven by my wife’s obvious physical attraction to Jason. My comfort came.
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