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" Chris rubbed his ear and started at the floor and meekly said 'I am sovery sorry. Sue just told me what you have done to Phil." That trunk you discovered was Phil's, but the contents were all mine. Ihave been seeing Phil as a patient for six months. I was terrified of Suefinding out I am a transsexual, so I came up with the idea of hiding mystuff in his trunk. Phil was kind enough to let me keep my things in histrunk. I figured that would provide me a degree of security." What about the ledger?" "As part of my treatment Phil had me write down everything I thought andfelt, so the journal belongs to me." But there were all those searches on his computer?" Well, that's on me too. He tried to hide it, but I could tell Phil wasrevolted by the whole crossdressing thing. Those were merely researchtrying to understand my condition." Mom at that point I completely broke down, I told Sue and Chris to getout of our home. I realized what I had done to the love of my life."Mother, "He looked at. I heard that. As it happens, I DO love English food. If you don't, it's only because it's reputation has been soiled by a French conspiracy. (See what I did there?)Anyway, back to the Bangers. (You didn't really think I'd put the word 'banger' in a story without actually yanking hard on that obvious an innuendo, did you?) For you Luddites and Frenchies out there who don't know what a banger is, it's a sausage. Okay, okay. Knock off the fucking giggling. This isn't a damn comedy. As it happens, the English have been making sausages way longer than the Germans, and as anyone who knows me will tell you, I love sausages. (I know what you're thinking and if you so much as fucking smirk, I swear I'm going reach out and slap the shit out of you.)Right, so I was dithering between the Toad in the Hole and the Bubble and Squeak when I was greeted by a curvaceous woman in a bright red 'Mrs Santa' outfit. She was a round woman, Rubenesqu even, as a friend would later say. I didn't know about.
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