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I traded the Ford in on a long-bed Econoline van. It needed some suspension work, new tires, a new exhaust and all the high-voltage stuff under the hood replaced, but it turned into a nice ride. Nobody that had owned it smoked so the interior was a lot better than it could have been. The little AM/FM radio worked. I loaded my bed, a table, two chairs, a filled dresser and a lot of kitchen stuff into it. I had to get the rear shocks replaced by a set of air shocks. There wasn't much more that I wanted out of the place except my clothes, towels and bedding. I rolled up the rugs and filled the voids in the van's cargo space with them. My suitcase rode in the passenger seat along with a cooler.I was forty years old and it was early in 1988. I had seventy thousand in the bank and a promissory note for a hundred and seventy thousand for the house. I moved in with my mom and dad for a while until the note cleared.I was really down on women in general. I refused to even go through a grocery. And like some of the girls, I had my secretcrushes that I never told anyone about.I found myself writing poetry and love letters never sent to Jeremy, andespecially to James! Mmm...Admittedly, my dreams about gazing at hard penises and shirtless menwould get me really turned on, but I didn't know what to do about it.These dreams just made me feel different, and I was plenty tired of that.(Suddenly I remembered how I felt at summer camp, how I was 11 in just myswim trunks and that camp counselor guy just kept staring at me and mybody. He made me blush and feel really awkward, so I must have liked theattention. But of course I just tried to stay away from him that week!)As Jenn pulled into the Macy's parking lot, I was sweating and worriedabout getting naked in front of a woman in that beautiful but terrifyingdepartment of women's intimates.Thankfully Ms. Jennifer knew a woman there named Jane who was super niceand took me into a changing room and spoke to me about the essentials.
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