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No matter what I did, I was going to hurt her, me, or both of us. There was now a huge strain on our friendship.That said, it was clear that there was something truly special between us. As I’d written in my journal, the intimacy was out of this world. My one encounter with Birgit was orders of magnitude less intense. But it had more impact on my heart. I couldn’t explain it. I tried. Half a page of prose got me nowhere. It didn’t answer anything. It only created even more questions.This wasn’t helping me with the immediate issue of the day - Becky. ‘Go figure things out with Becky’. Those were my marching orders. Not that I needed them. I knew that I’d eventually have to figure things out with Becky. It was time.If I honestly evaluated myself, there was no question I wanted her physically. I had dreamt about it. There was also no question that I loved her. I’d admitted that to Jennie, to Melanie, to Jennifer, and to my new journal. And most importantly, I had admitted it to. He had recently moved back to town because of his job and we had been out for drinks a few times but my wife Sara never came along because she wanted us to catch up on old times without boring her. Jack had come to our wedding but as he lived away Sara still had only met him a few times. So she knew when Jack and I got together it always ended up us talking about times and people didn't know, so she knew she would be bored. Tonight I'd invited Jack over for a few drinks and to watch some old videos of us from when we were younger that I'd been converting over to disc with my computer. It was footage of us as k**s, at parties, acting stupid the stuff no-one else is interested in. I'd set up a projector and was playing the movies onto the wall straight from my computer, we'd been at it for a couple of hours when Sara joined us. I'd moved on to more recent stuff of Sara and I on vacation and friends parties, I showed jack some footage of Sara on the beach in a bikini which I'd taken.
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