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. I was thumbing through with one hand and depositing with the other hand all the junk mail that mailers seem to think I read.I used to slip a pound of sand into "Postage Guaranteed by Recipient" envelopes but now I recycle the paper. Those recipients don't send me junk mail now.This particular letter was a LETTER ... not some multicolored extravaganza promising the moon if I would only...FINAL NOTICETHIRD NOTICE MAILINGWith my FULL Name under that, the complete address and the correct ZIP.Up in the left hand corner resided the name of a prominent Michigan Law Firm. Lo these many years ago, I lived in Michigan. Now I live where it's warm.'I wonder who thinks I owe?'Curiosity overcame caution and I slit the envelope.From the desk of ... blah, blah, blah, acting for the attorney for the estate.'Hmm? Who died?' I sighed and unfolded the letter. A blue rectangle fluttered to the ground. I stepped on it.Enclosures get short thrift from me.Mr. Austin:Enclosed find a check from the. 'No,' I say defensively, 'it's unisex.' But who was I k**ding.They all howl like a pack of wild hyenas.'Come on guys it's not half bad. It can pull great wheelies.' I lie. Unimpressed they stub out their cigarettes and mount their shinny steeds.'So,' I say, 'which of you lucky lads wants first go?' This was my flag of friendship. I knew I was different. I didn't play football, smoke, wrestle, date girls or ride a cool bike but I still tried to be friends.'Fuck off sissy,' Jonny spat, 'none of us want to ride your pathetic girls bike. Bugger off.'The lads all laugh again. I try one last time to be friends. 'I didn't ask for it,' I say, 'it's what I was given.''By Father Christmas no doubt' Jonny jokes. 'I bet you still believe in him and I think your parents are trying to tell you something. You big girls blouse.'More guffaws of laughter and I prepare to mount and cycle off but Jonny hasn't finished.'It's what I was given' Johnny mimics but in a girlish pitched voice. I' don't believe.
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