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His friends seemed to be impressed. Most of the people in the halls were busy going about their own business, but once in a while one of his friends would stop and say more than just "Hello." Some stopped and gave him dap with a sly smile. One boy in particular, a boy in my English Literature class whose name I didn't know, stopped and asked, "This yo' girl?"Since Martin hesitated I quickly spoke up and said, "Yes!" with a grand smile on my face. "That's my dawg! Nice goin' bruh!" They gave each other dap and moved on.I blew him a kiss as I left him at his homeroom class. He managed a very weak smile, but I could tell it was only because the other students were looking. If we'd been alone, I got the distinct feeling he wouldn't have tried to smile at all. In the Trigonometry classroom, before the bell rang to start class, Mike Brown was talking to a girl I was familiar with from my sophomore year named Tyra MacIntire. She was a bit chubby, but a very sweet and intelligent. I knew of her indiscretions, she was never subtle about it. Her lovers would phone, when I was home, and she would leave to meet them. I stayed, for the sake of the children. They needed one stable parent in the home. When she died, it was a relief. I never mourned the loss, like you mourned Michael. There was no need. I had mourned the loss of my marriage years before. Her death, was the finality I sought. Her death gave me freedom. Funny, when we first met, and married, we had a satisfying sexual relationship. When she started having the affairs, I lived a life of celibacy, not wanting to be the one who stepped out on his spouse, so she could ask me for a divorce." Michael was my first lover, I was a virgin when we married. That was important to me, that I was able to give him that part of me, on our wedding night. I haven't been with another man either. I know that celibacy is not easy, the urges, the desires, don't just go away. They linger on, a sweet torture of.
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