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For one thing, I knew I couldn’t pay for the plane ticket. I was tempted to ask my parents for help, but I wasn’t sure how. I’d have to make up some kind of a story; I could never tell them I was going for a booty call, much less with a guy. “Well,” I finally said, “it’d be awesome if we could pull it off... it’s just....”“You don’t need to make a big deal about it. Just say you’re going to hang with a frat buddy or something. It wouldn’t be a lie.”“You make it sound so easy,” I said. I didn’t want to tell him I was dreading the summer. I’d gotten so used to having him around, and I didn’t know what I’d do without him for three months. I pulled him closer to me, and I kissed the top of his head. Chad rolled over, laid his head down on me, and put his hand on my chest.We watched a couple more videos without saying a word. I wanted to lie there forever. Eventually, Chad reached over, pulled our lube bottle from my drawer, and lathered his ass up.“I thought you wanted to. It's a city, it's dirtier, poorer and lots more fun.At home in hilsborough, I was such a good kid. Something has changed recently here at school. I find myself contorting and opening into something different, something new and something that scares me one minute and excites me the next. My clothes have changed from preppy earth tones, to fishnets and black leather, black lipsticks and nail polish. Goth I guess, thats the look, it makes me feel powerful and scary, and I like that alot. My vices have changed from being a workaholic to being a chain smoking pothead. But the thing that has changed most is sex.In high school, I had sex as little as possible. Just enough to keep the boyfriend that I wanted, the boyfriend that served me best socially. Thats all I wanted, or could stand. I would go without so long, that when I finally agreed to it, it was given to me in a way that was cold and angry and hard and painful. It was awful. I guess to start telling you about my sex life i'll start.
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