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While I may have loved it, I hated it also. I hated what I was putting myself through and I hated that I was betraying Bryan. True to my word I made it up to Bryan the next day. It was more for my peace of mind than it was for him. I needed to get over the guilt and the bad feelings of my betrayal and what I was doing, I needed to reassure myself that I was still a good wife and that I was still a good person. But afterwards I still felt guilty and I still felt terrible. The feelings just resurfaced all over again. I then remembered that we would be having dinner with Derek, his treat. While it was his treat, I was certain that he would make me repay him in some way. He would have a plan set up for me. Part of me was dreading this, while the other part, the part that made me hate myself, was looking forward to it. It surprised me how effortless and easy-going Derek was in Bryan’s presence, acting as if nothing was happening, acting as if no betrayal was going on at all. Derek was. ” My words seemed to slowly sink in but that didn’t stop her from kissing me and I didn’t stop myself from kissing back it seemed like that was her way of responding to me and finding out how I really feel then abruptly she broke the kiss and left smiling. The rest of that night was horrible I was able to sleep with the pills but when I did I had a nightmare one that I didn’t remember when I woke up but still terrified me.It was silent the next morning and I couldn’t bring myself to break the silence because I worried about what my sister might want to talk about. The day dragged on slower than ever I had to work that day to which didn’t help I was thinking about my sister again today ok mostly I was beating myself up about turning her down. By the time I got home for the day I had successfully made myself feel like a real bastard so I was pleasantly surprised by how happy my sister seemed. I headed to my room but she stood in my way blocking my way to the door “we need to talk” she.
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