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It was like being a little girl, playing zoo animals with my friends, and it made me feel safe, even if Mom thought she was humiliating me. And it beat getting slapped. When she said she’d have to show Daddy her new pet when he got home, I nearly wet the carpet, like the bad dog I am.But still, it wasn’t as much fun as running around outside nude, which I knew I was going to have to do again It was only a matter of time. I thought, well, if I only do it late at night, in the dark, I should be OK. Why I thought that, I don’t know, since I nearly got caught by a cop. It didn’t matter, anyway, because the next time I got the urge to strip, I was out in broad daylight.It was at a mental institution. For real. Mom and Dad got a job playing at Quaker Hospital in Northeast. The main building is a big yellow mansion that was built around 1810. Back then it was in the middle of nowhere, and even though the city grew up around it, it still has like a hundred acres of woods and gardens. Every. As a matter of fact I couldn't believe how fortuitous Brian's attack of the screaming sh ... the runs was. For weeks my wife Shirley had been harping on at me to paint the hall at home. She'd even got as far as talking me into buying the paint the previous weekend. But I hate decorating when Shirley's around the house. God, the woman never did get the idea that the whole house can't be spotlessly clean, whilst you are actually decorating part of it.Now, because I was going to be away for a couple of days, Shirley had arranged to go off to stay at her sister's place, rather than spending the weekend alone in the bungalow. Doubly fortuitous for me, because I couldn't stand the stuck-up bitch, or her insufferable Bible-punching husband either.Shirley going up there on her own for a couple of days, meant one less occasion that I'd have to put up with the buggers.No, I could nip back home and get the bloody hall painted in peace, and make as much mess as I liked while doing so.So, after.
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