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My seat was the last one on the left side and just below mine was that shreya(name changed-privacy must). She came in a just before the bus was about to leave and hence her luggage was all over the place. I told her to keep it in my cabin on the top floor as it was getting difficult for others to commute. And the kannad localites too were getting a little angry over her excess baggage. She agreed and i placed her luggage in my seat. the 6 feet seat was almost full. Dhoom 2 was recently released and i was wearing the loose T similar to one worn by Hrithik (green one). She commented that i looked pretty cool in it. i knew it. we sat there discussed some basics about passions, ambitions, jobs, life. she too being software engg., we related each other’s lifestyles pretty easily. She was of late being really stressed from her family and job and i could c her eyes getting wet i held out a soothing hand on her shoulder and she too comforted herself by placing on my shoulder. she looked out. A mark she made because those feelings she tries to hide so deep came clawing back to the surface. Feelings she thought she had locked away for good. But feelings of being nothing, of being worthless, of feeling like trash are hard to lock away when it turns out they have a spark of truth in them. The mark that was mad, the mark he hates, was made because of her, was made so later more wouldn’t have to be done. She doesn’t want him to see anymore, doesn’t want to do it anymore, but her method is the base line, the first step, the least dangerous way. It’s the first in a line, in a line that has never been past the first step, although every step increases the danger. She doesn’t want him to know, doesn’t want anyone to know. No one needs to know her pain, no one needs to carry her burden, no one but her. It seems like she is trying to keep him at arm’s length, or pushing him away with all she has. When in reality she doesn’t know how to let him in any more than she already has. To.
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