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I wanted to forget it. I was embarrassed that I'd done sex stuff with a man. If any of my friends found out I'd die. But I couldn't forget it. And I began thinking about how some of it had been quite nice.Slowly, over a few weeks, I started to wonder if I'd enjoy another round with him. It became a regular jerk-off fantasy. But my shame stopped me from contacting him and I thought that was the end of it.Then, one evening I happened to run into him by chance. I was sober this time and we were chatting and he somehow got me to admit that I might be interested in playing a second time. He took me to his apartment and patiently helped me overcome my inhibitions. I'd experienced an evening of intense sexual pleasure in his hands and I learned a lot about myself.I discovered a combination: I find my ass is very sensitive and I get highly aroused when I am touched there and, emotionally, I like to be somewhat submissive. Once I got over the taboo of homosexual acts, that combination made me. After school we’d come home and she would pretend to cook dinner while I pretended to do odd jobs around the house, thus imitating mamu and mami in domesticity, but it was after lights out that the real playing started. Aapa always made sure that everyone thought we were asleep, going so far as to placing a towel at the bottom of the bedroom door as to muffle any noise and light coming from our room. “Ok Sameer, come to bed now.” Aapa would say. “Ji aapa” I would reply. “Don’t call me aapa! You’re supposed to call me darling jaan like Abbu calls Ammi!” “Ji darling jaan.” I giggled. Aapa held the cover open for me to join her in bed. I hopped in and she immediately took me in her arms and would kiss me on the lips. During that time we didn’t really know what we were doing. Our lips would be firmly closed as we kissed. It had never occurred to us to open our mouths. In fact it probably would have seemed quite disgusting to me at that age. For then it was all just innocent fun. Then.
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