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I cried enough tears to fill our home swimming pool, a pool that I couldn't even use with my neck in that cervical collar. It was doctor's orders. I think he was afraid my head would fall off.I'd imagined standing on the top step of the podium, at least one new gold medal for my collection, maybe as many as four, first junior to ever do that. I'd imagined Greg and me, side by side in our sexy swim suits, holding the team trophies high while the cameras flashed, dashing to the locker room to celebrate as only we could celebrate.All of that was gone, along with the hopes and dreams of Coach and the team and the school, everyone, right down the drain.After the accident the last thing in the world I wanted was to face all the people I'd let down. I wanted to run away, but I'd checked with Maria and joining a convent was not a viable option. She'd laughed for a week, and even I had to admit I'd have a problem with that whole celibacy thing. Even a vibrator was a venial sin, she said. I. Oh Eric, do you forgive me for surrendering? I know and admire your courage. I know you wouldn't have degraded yourself like this, no matter what. But when the decision was before me, I took the easy way out, the one with no yelling and a nice warm bed and meals and a great college and lots of shopping trips with my mom.My parents love me Eric! They love Melanie #2! I finally know what it feels like to have parents who love me. Poor Patricia! I never understood what a pit of dependency my parents have dug for her, and how deeply she is trapped in the quicksand at the bottom. I used to envy Patty, but I feel so differently now. I pity her.Eric, I couldn't pull this off as an act. I had to live the part. My true personality had to disappear, truly disappear, at least during the daytime. Melanie #1 comes out only late at night, and she has learned how to cry without making a sound.Amusing, in a sad sort of way. My parents accused you of brainwashing me, but it is they who are the true.
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