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‘Andrea was gone. There wasn’t even a body I could bury. I couldn’t afford a proper memorial either. She’d had the money in the family and we hadn’t made wills yet. So now the stuff’s been in probate going on two years, I’m trying to scrape a living selling articles to the local rags and living in this shit hole.’ I tried, in vain, to keep the tears from welling in my eyes but I was powerless to stop them. ‘The funny thing is,’ I continued, ‘we used to talk about what would happen when one of us did die. We’d joked that we’d go at the same time, hanging on for each other, that way we could enter eternity together. I always said that if I went first that I would wait just on the other side for her. Yet, here I am, and she’s not. I don’t know if she’s waiting for me or if it’s even possible to wait. ‘Although… Every once in a while have a dream. It’s always the same. I’m looking down at the ground from high up and I’m moving toward it, not recklessly, just a nice smooth motion. I come. ‘I’m back, and only just in time. Supper time, Uli. Luke, wake up, it’s time to eat’. I stirred and opened my eyes. I didn’t need to fake a sleepy voice. My mouth was dry and the words came out slowly and thickly. ‘I’ll eat out tonight, kids. Give Frau Ugly my apologies. Is all your work finished?’ They both nodded. Ulrika’s face was still flushed. ‘Go on, then. I’ll see you tomorrow’. I let my eyes half close again. Karl looked at Ulrika. She shrugged and gathered her books neatly into a pile. They left the classroom quietly and I was finally able to move. * * * * * * * * * * * Half an hour later, showered and in clean clothes, I strolled through the chill evening to my favourite bistro. I had resisted the temptation to masturbate and my groin felt swollen and heavy. As I turned into the doorway I saw that there was a party of seven at the big table at the back of the restaurant. I sat in my usual booth and waved hello to Gustav the barman. The place wasn’t busy and he bought me a.
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