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It wasn’t visions of sugarplums dancing in my head.The longer I slept the more my mind was filled with dreadWhen in the middle of the night, midnight, a voice said,“Poor man.”I was floating up above and could see I was deadThe panic in my chest was being fedBy memories of darkness and light and that ledTo philosophers and poets and something I readAbout yin yang.Poor man.No yin. All yang.I clawed my way to the top of the bottom of the heapWhere I learned the art of how to keepA spark of light alive in the dark of the deepChasm that opened beneath my feetI discovered that opening was more than a wellAs I slipped at the edge and tumbled and fellAnd my voice was silent ‘cause there was no one to tellThat just because it’s private doesn’t mean it’s not hell.Then you came to me, gagged and bound. YouWore nothing at all but the pain that hounds you—The source of which still confounds you‘cause there’s simply no reason for the empty around you.Poor woman.You carried a grudge for all that. She was virgin to sex. Even she didn’t have any boyfriends too.Then my marriage date got fixed and I got married to my wife. Saira was eager to hear my first night experiences. I told her everything. Slowly by slowly, Saira was getting sexually attracted to me.When my wife joined me at Bangalore, relationship with Saira was in cold storage. For 7-8 months or so, I just forgot about Saira itself as I was having nice sex life with my wife.My wife got pregnant and her parents took her at Kochi. At that time only, Saira memories strike me. I called her. She was so happy to hear my voice after a long time. We shared our happenings of the time when we were not in contact. Saira was happy to know that I was becoming a father.In the absence of my wife, Saira and mine sexual desires increased. At last Saira decided to lose her virginity to me. One fine evening, Saira came to my apartment, unnoticed by my neighbours. She was wearing churidhar. For some time we were just looking each other’s.
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