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The discovery (in the pages of an old book) of some (old and some of them really wrecked) photos of that time worked as "trigger point" to revive those strong feelings and emotions that now are felt as positive and intriguing, but which at that time caused to me a “storm” of conflicting feelings.It must be said that my femininity exploded in an absolute and complete way only in recent times, but in the past it had periods of "hibernation", like a dormant volcano ready to erupt without warning. This also due to social conditioning, moral, and the life and growth of a nice boy in a traditional family. At age 12, as I recounted in a previous story, I used to put my mother’s stockings in secret , but it was an instinct. It did reveal a clear trend, but with no erotic involvement at all, at least on a conscious level. This habit stopped after a few years but "stockings" were destined to come back into my life in a traumatic way.Here begins the story: at 17 I was a really cute boy:. And then there was Mamma, or at least her ashes.I looked around at my family and friends and tried to think of something to say."I was reborn on the Brick Street Bridge in Gary's caring arms. I've found boundless love with Gary, and with my two ringmates Moira and Jake. I've gotten a sister, Malia; an aunt, Kate; and an awesome obaachan, Anna. My second life has been so amazingly wonderful, and seems to get better every day. And I thank every one of you so much for everything you've done for me."In my first life, though, I had only Mamma. But she was as good a mother as a girl could wish for. She tried so hard, and I loved her so much." The tears really began then."Tonight, I'm not, like, trying to say a final goodbye to Mamma. I'm just trying to let her finally get away and be free forever."I couldn't say any more, because I was trying not to sob. So I turned to the railing, and carefully removed the lid of the urn. Mamma. I slowly turned the urn upside-down, and her ashes drifted.
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