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“Are you really a cock-hungry boy-whore as well as a cunt-hungry boy-slut?”“No, Sir,” Ben replied meekly, his mind in turmoil. “I’ve never—”“You calling my favourite fuckslut a liar? Because I hate boys who talk shit about their exes.”“Your favourite fuckslut?” The confirmation of his suspicions from the message made him forget the correct form of address. A hard smack on his behind from Smita gave him a painful reminder.“Learning that your ex is a total whore is no excuse to be rude,” she scolded.“Sorry, Miss. Sorry, Sir. But I’ve never, er, you know, with a man...”“But you have a large, not very well hidden video collection on your laptop, don’t you?” Her question was clearly rhetorical.“How—? Oh. Beth.”“Yes. Beth. You’re very lucky to have had a girlfriend like her, aren’t you? Many would just talk shit behind your back instead of recommending you as a potential fucktoy.” Ben just stared at her open-mouthed. “Well? Say it.”“I-I’m very lucky, Miss.”“So, boy, what are you?” Patrick. ‘Hello there, what can I do for you?’ ‘I need an apartment, a really stylish one too. I’m a young professional, and I need digs to really look the part,’ she added in a surprising amount of clarity and, well, intelligence. ‘Got a budget?’ ‘Two million,’ she replied. Good girl, I thought. After about fifteen times more showing up her lack of intelligence, asking about really stupid things, I managed to salvage it to a point where I could advise her about making an offer. She went away with the estate agent to get a viewing, met the vendors — an attractive pair of City Workers in their late twenties looking to move up north and commute — and returned to me after signing a cheque for a million pound and agreeing to pay the next million in a week’s time, avoiding the need for a mortgage. What she’d also done, whilst telling the agent she was a whore, was fuck him on the settee, then fuck the male vendor whilst the agent did the female vendor. She then told me she’d secured the female.
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