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So I cling to the things that remind me of her. I kept the house mostly as we had it before she died. Her car was basically mothballed until Maureen decided she wanted to drive it. I still come out to our spot on the beach and talk her as if she were right next to me, longing to hear her voice once again."I did it," I said aloud. "I know you didn't want me to, but I went to visit Maureen's dad. He's a good guy, sweetheart. He's going to love her, not like you and I love her, but because she's a good girl. We did okay."As always, my only answer was the wind."When she asked me to call him, I wished you were still here. You would have known what to do." I began to cry softly. "We knew this day was coming, didn't we? We always said it would be her choice, and I'm okay with that. I just..."My voice trailed off as I wiped my eyes."Mommy?" Maureen won't call me "Mom". That was the name she used for McKayla. Maybe that's why I have a hard time thinking of her as anything other than a. “You’re not the only one who can get in a muddle, Amanda. We all make mistakes, and do things we don’t feel proud of.”I wanted to wriggle out of her embrace, but she needed me to accept it, and I wasn’t going to add to my mum’s distress. It hurt to know how much she hid from me, but perhaps she was doing her best.“Does Fiona play?” she said. “It would be nice if she has some sort of talent to entertain. You know how your grandmother loves that.”“Yeah”, I said. “We’re preparing the Wexford Carol for New Year.” Mum gulped. “It’s an ancient Irish song. Lots of ornaments in the arrangement we’re doing.”“Wait”, said Dad. “You’re singing then?”“And playing”, I said. “Fiona’s on the recorder.”“Oh, but then what do you play?” he said.Really? How could they have forgotten?“Um, Dad? I play the violin, of course. Aideen--Fiona’s mum--has one, and has been letting me use it.”Mum and Dad looked at each other. They were upset, and I couldn’t understand why.“Come on!” I said. “You can’t mind me.
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