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Don't let that scare you." She said as she absently ran her hand down over his stomach to the front of his pants."It scares me that I was so happy at one time with Barbie and then we drifted apart. I always blamed her, maybe it was me searching for you, like ... subconsciously." He said before becoming aware of her hand."I'm searching for you now. Don't think I'm bad, I just want and need you so much. Matt and I had a wild sex life with me trying to keep him happy and me trying to deny I still wanted and needed you. Divorce was shame and I didn't want that. I hate to admit this, but if you hadn't ended up in the sports news on the day you did, I would have screwed a total stranger that afternoon. A woman alone at a cocktail bar at lunch hour draws a lot of attention from dirtball businessmen." She said resting her head on his chest as she turned doe eyed looking at him while her hand played."You don't need to tell me this, save yourself from..." No, I want you to know the truth,. His great grandfather was living with us at the time. So, in November, 1991 our house was a diverse mixture of ages and personalities. Great-grandfather was 73 at that time, that baby was sixteen months old and in between, there was myself, who was 34, my husband was 27, my two daughters were 10 and 12. I remember you sitting on your papa’s lap while I vacuumed the floor. He was laughing, holding you as I acted like I was going to run you over with the vacuum. Your laughter floated throughout the house like a bubbling brook. Your papa made us take you to Wal-Mart to buy a push toy because you wanted to push the fly swatter around on the floor. So many memories. So many good memories. When you came to us to stay, you were sick. We had you in the doctor’s office at least once a week, until February, when you were hospitalized for double pneumonia. Such a sick little baby. I held you through the night, either in the bed or in a rocking chair. Your dad sat with us, never leaving us,.
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