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What had happened to our relationship? Where had it gone wrong? It seemed like we were so close for so long and then suddenly she was gone. Letters and cards once plentiful and personal became fewer and almost generic. In my conversations with Hanna and even with Caitlin's parents, their responses were the same. Caitlin wasn't writing anyone very often anymore.I decided that I would give it one more really sincere shot. I began to write her and then scrapped what I had written and began again, repeating this every night for a week before I managed to get the words just right. As I finished, I realized that I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally, and for the first time in many, many months, I actually prayed that my efforts were not wasted.My dearest Caitlin,It seems like forever since I have been with you, heard your voice, held you in my arms or even seen you smile. I miss those things, and I miss you, terribly.Mickey and Sharon are in love, there is no doubt about it. He is such. We kept on being friends. I became friends with his wife. He and my husband were never close, though, I always suspected that Steve sensed the muted sparks between me and Buddy. So when she dumped him this year, here we were. Again. Single. Back to square fucking one. You know, when you make a clumsy, abortive pass at your best friend when you’re twenty, it’s charming, at twenty-five, amusing. At thirty-eight, it’s absurd. This brings us to New Years’ Eve, when I found myself being kissed and caressed on a soon-to-become twenty-minute trek to take out the trash. Fortunately, none of my other friends had the wherewithal to clean up, our absence went slightly, drunkenly noticed. After some animated snogging and furtive caresses, I asked him, casually, if he wanted to move the Aerobed (his usual sleepover spot) into my room. ‘There’s plenty of room…on the floor…’ Just steps away from my underutilized queen-size bed. ‘No, that would be weird.’ Weird? When was this not weird? We’re grown.
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