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"And white shoes, with ankle straps." Oh. OK." I had expected her to tell me she was wearing Chanel Number 5, or perhaps some other, updated variation on the old Marilyn Monroe tease-line."But -- you're not wearing any underwear, right?" I said."What? Well, of course I'm wearing underwear!" Oh. So -- why did you bring this up?" I asked."I didn't bring it up. I asked you what you were wearing," she said. "But you never did tell me." OK. I'm wearing jeans, a short-sleeved, 100% cotton pullover shirt, and, let's see -- gray socks and Nikes." Ohhhh," Maria said. "That sounds so sexy!" Are you high?" I said."Am I high? Like on drugs? Of course not!" Well, you sound a little loopy." I called you so we could talk dirty," she said in a kittenish voice."And you're doing a helluva job," I said. "Seldom have I participated in such an arousing conversation!" I really am wearing underwear," she said."Terrific. I believe you. What a turn-on!" But I've pulled over to the side," Maria said."You've. Is that clear?"'Mom, this sucks." Mikey, watch your mouth, young man. Now you heard me. If that roomisn't cleaned up, forget about your weekend. So tomorrow you two canstart helping out around here. I'll leave you some food and cookinginstructions for your dinner. You can decide who cooks and who cleansup afterwards. And there's a ton of laundry in the basement and someironing. The ironing is mainly your clothes, Danielle. Mister wrinklehere doesn't seem to need an iron."The next day after school Mikey and I both arrived back home around thesame time. Remembering Mom's request, I asked my brother what chores hepreferred to do."None of them. Those are all girls' chores. Boys don't do washing,cooking and ironing. And since you're the only girl in the family youshould do them all. I'm going to watch television." You can't do that. I'm going to tell Mommy that you wouldn't help andyou're going to be in big trouble." Listen sis, you're not going to tell mommy anything. You're going todo.
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