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I once asked a technician whether the embryo counts were OK from the rear, and she assured me they were. I almost caught a sense that they were if anything higher that way, though she tried not to reveal anything.Lisa arrived next. She had already been in love with me for years, and in this new role she positively worshipped me. She liked sex, and had orgasms regularly, but it seemed like she was so eager to please me she wasn't genuine somehow. And while I enjoyed her body and enjoyed sex with her, it didn't command my total enthusiasm the way it did with the others. In fact, when I reflected on it, I found I had invited Lisa up more because I felt like I ought to want her rather than actually wanting her. Winnie, Julie, and Sally were stiff competition, to be sure. I had developed a rapport with a few of the pros who served as my counselors, and I conferred with them. Following my inclinations, they told me that just below the surface Lisa deeply resented the fact that I had other. ."Please" I said holding up my handin a stop signal.I left him in his room, I locked myself in my room. Keith telephoned andknocked at the door numerous times during the morning, afternoon andearly evening. The only words I said were "Go away". During the endlesshours of staring at my hotel room wall, I had registered the situationin a distant corner of my mind, I had withdrawn into a state of completenumbness, but I didn't feel bitter or shocked, I knew I should feelhurt. Some how this felt like a different life, nothing to do withreality it was as though I was in a dream.The pillow was soaked with tears and mascara stains, but my crying wasfor the kids and not for my own self pity.What should I do? No matter which way I tried to debate the options, itwas impossible to make any decisions, my mind was like a pendulumswinging between the only two solutions, should I leave him or try towork out our issues and problems.It was after 9.00pm, I decided I needed fresh air and a walk, I.
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