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I was very consciousof my role. Joana loved her child with all her life, like only Latinmothers can do. I complemented her unfettered love with my milk and mynursing Manuelito. When I held him in my arms, I always made an effort tobe like his biological mother. The contact between us was a cosmic force,turning me into nothing but a real woman. During the day, as I tended toManuelito, Mustapha's kisses and hugs would then transport me into asupernatural dimension of absolute, unquestionable, thrilling womanhood.I continued breastfeeding Manuelito for two months. In the last ten daysof my nursing him, my lactation started dwindling until I ran completelydry. He cried often, as he tried to suckle but no milk would come out, orvery little, so he would still be hungry. I cried too, as I could nolonger feed him and give him the love he deserved. I felt as if the bondbetween us was being broken forever. Joana told me not to worry or be sad.One of the last nights I spent in her house, she. M." I said in my reassuring voice. Not waiting I sat three feet away with my back turned. I was purposely making sure I couldn't see anything and was confident she knew it."Karen," she said in return."If you will turn yourself more to the right I'm sure nobody will see and that should more assure you that I won't see anything."I heard the rustle of her blouse as she opened a few buttons. It wasn't the first time I'd heard that sound yet it always got my attention. Next came the unsnapping of the cup of the nursing bra I was certain she wore. I heard a tiny gasp and then a soft sigh indicating she was getting the relief she needed. Wet sounds of lips suckling wafted to my ears."You don't know how much I appreciate your help. I'm sure you think me to be brazen." Not at all, Ma'am. What you are doing is just natural and what women have done throughout time." I really don't know how to thank you." Let me watch," I spoke softly."L... let you watch?" she gasped. "I couldn't, I mean I feel.
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